The Feed / Play / Sleep System
Feed / Play / Sleep is an important part of establishing a good
routine. The 3 steps need to remain separate.
- Feeding is in your arms
- Down is where you play
- Sleeping is in a cot
Establishing the Feed / Play / Sleep routine will enable you to
watch for and recognize tired signs. When you see tired signs and
you know that baby has already been fed, you should implement the
settling techniques straight away. Do not wait until your baby is
already hungry, tired and grumpy, thus allowing them to fall asleep
in your arms.
This does not however mean that love and cuddles are sacrificed.
These should be incorporated into their playtime as much as you
wish to, and don't forget that you are still feeding in your arms,
the only difference is that you are not letting them fall asleep in
your arms.
How to recognise tired signs
Tired cries are different to hunger cries. You will often notice
your baby will be playing happily on the floor one minute and then
for no apparent reason will start to yawn, grizzle, rub their eyes,
or arch their back. These are classic tired signs.
Other signs are: not wanting to feed, not happy when picked up and
not happy when put down. In an older child they can become nasty.
These are all tired signs and when these signs are shown then
settling should begin.
The Key Steps to Settling Your Baby
The decision to change your baby's sleeping habits is not one you
will make lightly. Generally parents have reached their threshold
of exhaustion when they decide to take on the commitment of
change.
These techniques are not for everyone, there is some crying
involved. Some babies will respond immediately to the techniques
while others can take up to 3 weeks. Persistence is the key to
success as babies learn from repetition.
Try to hold this thought - these settling techniques will be no
harder than what you are already going through.
The following things should be considered before starting a
settling program.
- Ensure your baby is well.
- Any concerns you might have should be cleared with your doctor
before starting.
- If your baby becomes unwell during the weeks that you are
attempting to get the program to work, stop and start again when
they are well.
- Make sure you yourself are well. It won't do either of you any
good to be starting a new routine under stress.
- Try to keep a fairly free week so you can devote as much time
and effort as possible into making the program work. A busy
schedule will make it harder to do the techniques with each sleep
and take longer to work.
- If you have other caregivers, make sure they follow the new
routine. This is to ensure that there are no mixed messages being
given.
- Make sure the cot is well ventilated with no bumpers or
pillows.
- Remove all toys from the cot. The cot should be designated for
sleeping rather than playing.
- Have a dim night light so as baby can see their surroundings
when they wake.
- Make sure your partner is agreeable about the new routine. Even
if they don't wish to be overly involved in the settling, explain
to them what it is that you are attempting to do so they can
appreciate the added pressure you are under. They too will be great
beneficiaries of a child that sleeps well.
- If not your partner, try and have a support person to take over
for you if need be.
Visual demonstration is still the best way to ensure you are
performing the techniques correctly and will answer many individual
concerns such as colic, reflux, teething, falling asleep at the
breast etc.
For further information obtain a copy of the It's Time to Sleep
DVD or book via the link to the web site www.itstimetosleep.com.
It's Time to Sleep is also available from major bookstores.
Newborn - 6 months
SIDS and Kids Australia recommend wrapping a baby1 and sleeping
them on their back. We always recommend that all parents follow
SIDS guidelines when your baby is asleep. During the program we use
a technique of settling a baby on their side, however you should
never leave your baby to sleep in this position. Follow these steps
to settle your baby:
- Wrap your baby firmly but not tightly in a lightweight
material, cotton or muslin is ideal. This will help him feel secure
and take control of his hands, stopping him from catching himself
on the face if he flails around. Once baby is sleeping we will then
loosen the wrap and roll baby onto their back. Always ensure
wrapping is well secured and unable to cover your babies breathing
passages. Wrapping is not required after the age of 3 months.
- Place him in his cot on his side, facing away from you, and
with his feet close to the end of the cot. This is to avoid any eye
contact.
- Make a note of the time: you're going to give him 15 minutes to
settle. Place one hand on his shoulder and with the other hand pat
his bottom. He will probably be crying at this stage but keep
patting. When the crying stops then stop the patting. The aim is to
get him to fall asleep by himself not pat him off to sleep. If the
crying starts again, start patting.
- If after 15 minutes he has not settled, pick him up give him a
cuddle to settle him down (be careful not to rock him off to sleep)
then turning him onto his other side (you will need to go around to
the other side of the cot) begin the settling again for a further
15 minutes. You can settle for up to one hour, but after that you
should offer a drink.
- Once he is sleeping you can then roll him onto his back and
loosen and secure the wrap.
- Anything under one hour is considered a catnap and you should
use the settling techniques to resettle without picking them up
first.
6 to 12 months
- Lie your baby in his cot on his back with his feet to the end
of the cot, cover him and say "it's time to sleep" and leave the
room.
- Wait outside for 2 minutes, he will probably be protesting.
After 2, minutes go back into the room and lay him on his side
facing away from you to avoid eye contact. Place one hand on his
shoulder and with the other hand pat his bottom - repeating "it's
time to sleep". When the crying stops then stop the patting. Be
careful not to pat baby off to sleep, the aim is to get him to
sleep independently. If after 2 minutes he is still crying, leave
the room and wait outside for 4 minutes this time.
- If baby is still protesting after 4 minutes outside the room,
go back in and settle the same way, this time for 4 minutes.
- Keep increasing the time outside the room and inside the room
by 2 minutes each time (2, 4, 6, 8, 10) until you have reached 10
minutes. It is recommended not to leave a baby longer than ten
minutes at any time. If after 1 hour of trying your baby has not
settled, pick him up, offer a drink and a reassuring cuddle. During
the day if baby has not responded get him up and try again next
sleep. During the night you will need to persist with the
techniques until he is asleep.
Tips on settling the older toddler
Getting an older toddler to stay in their bed is a real problem for
many parents. They can often wind up sleeping in your bed every
night or you in their bed.
You would probably be surprised to know that many of these
children don't even know that what they are doing is not okay.
Unless you let them know that it's NOT okay nothing is going to
change. Why should it? They think it's what they're supposed to do
so it happens every night.
Letting your toddler fall asleep watching television and then
carrying them to bed asleep is a mistake many parents make to avoid
a conflict at bedtime. They wake during the night and are not where
they fell asleep making them insecure. They then look for your
comfort.
To settle a toddler, try the following:
- After the bath have some quiet time. Never over stimulate them
at bedtime with rough or loud play. Allow them to have a drink, go
to the toilet or put on a clean nappy and then choose a story or
two.
- Set the number of stories to be read before you begin and stick
to it, remember you must be in control not your little one.
- When trying a new routine, perhaps get them a nice new bedtime
friend, if they stay in their bed they can have it, but if they get
out of bed then let them know that you will take it away.
- Say good night and leave the room. If they get up just keep
putting them back and leaving. If it goes on for too long, let them
know that next time they get up you will have to shut the door.
Keep in mind that what ever you say you are going to do you need to
follow through.